Everyone in my family has the same number of letters in our names. We didn't plan it, it just happened. When I got pregnant with Zach, Brandon and I talked about how if we had a boy he would get Brandons middle name, John. It is a family name for him and I like it because it was my grandpas name. If we had a girl she would get my middle name, Dawn. Its my moms middle name and mine and I wanted to keep it going. Well, obviously we ended up with a boy but had no name for him. Brandon shot down every name I could think of. He didn't like anything but wouldn't come up with anything. When we went to the hospital we were thinking Alexander or Jackson. But neither fit. I gave Brandon my 99 cent baby book and told him to find something. He flipped through and landed on Zachary. (A name I had tried 3 times and been shot down.) So Zachary John Walker was officially named.
With Chels, we already had decided if she was a boy her name would be James Houston Walker and we would call him Jimmy. Before we found out what we were having I saw a name I like somewhere, cant remember the name or where I saw it but it started with a C. I liked the idea of a C name if I had a girl. Really mess with Gramma. She can call out Cheryl! Carol! Connie! Colleen! Crystal! Chelsea! Hee hee. More for the last 3 names though. I always thought it was cool to have the same initials as my mom. So, anyway, I was looking the name up in my same 99 cent baby book and Chelsea was near it. I fell in love with Chelsea right away. I told Brandon and for once he didn't shoot down a name I came to him with. So, when we discovered she was a girl (after Brandons tearful moments, he wasn't sure he could handle a girl) she became Chelsea Dawn Walker.
So we have...
Brandon John Walker
Crystal Dawn Walker
Zachary John Walker
Chelsea Dawn Walker
7-4-6
I wrote a list of our names one day and realized that we all have 7 letters in our first name, 4 in our middle and, of course, 6 for our last. We didn't plan it that way, it just fell into place. Even Bridget, our dog, has a 7 letter name. And we adopted her with that name. Poor Zelda is left out, maybe we should start spelling her name Zelddaa. Because that makes sense! Brandon says that their middles names are Dumb so that they can have the 4. But we all know he is a bit snotty at times.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Why I'm Crabby
I am crabby. Very crabby. Most of my log-ins and such include crabby somehow, my blog is crabbymamma, when I (finally) get my tattoo, you guessed it, a crab. Zach always checks crab apples to see if they have a crab in them so he can give it to me. Why do I like crabs? Because I am a cancer. Being a crab is who I am. I love how much it spells me out.
Emotional and sensitive, ruled by their feelings. Run the whole gamut of emotions that come with the changing tides. - Ask my husband. Seriously.
Cancer is the "I feel" sign.
Like the crab, they have a protective shell of shyness or reserve to hide their great sensitivity and caution. This should not be interpreted as weakness, however, as they withdraw to gather strength.
Sympathetic and kind, they have a strong need to nurture. Extremely protective and will defend their loved ones against all odds. Home and family play a highly important role in their lives.
Usually connoisseurs of food and love to cook. (I love this one.)
Compelled to work hard to get ahead.
Require a lot of encouragement and appreciation.
Easily hurt.
Once they trust someone enough to show their feelings they are strong, loyal and protective.
Tend to hold on to the past, especially people. - This is the reason for this post. I was thinking about some of the people I have let go and how hard it is. It takes a lot for me to walk away from someone I love and it is hard all of the time, I think of these people a lot. I think I tend to walk away easily from people I don't love if they seem like they will hurt me in the future. Once I let someone in, it is so very hard for me to let them go.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Spiral
I made my best friend when I was 4 years old. She was my best friend through high school, with the exeption of childish fights. She was basically my sister. She spent more time at my house then hers. We were always together. I sometimes think thats why I have such a hard time making friends now, its was so easy with her. It was like we were made to be best friends. She got married when she was 16 and moved away. I was honestly devestated. I missed her so much. We wrote letters and called each other long distance (insert old jokes here) but we were never as close again. She was married and having babies and I was, well, not. I went and visited once, in Minot ND, when she found out she was pregnant with her first baby. She was homesick and scared so I bought a ticket and went out. I think thats when I realized how different we were by then. I had a hard time when I got home from that trip. She started avoiding me when she came to visit after that. Every time she came to visit I would get so sad that she made sure to not see me. Her mom lived 3 houses away from me, like I wouldn't know.
A few years later she moved back and I thought we might go right back to being so close. I had Zach and was about to get married. Thought things were going to be great again. We saw each other a few times and it was so weird. We didn't have anything to talk about, just sat there pretty uncomfortable. We both kinda gave up then I think. Then a while later, when I was in Costco, my mom called and said that Emily had a heart condition and was in the hospital. I was so upset. I had a meltdown in Costco. When we went back about a month later the cashier saw me and came over and asked if I was ok. I had always thought we would be best friend again and we were just on one of our "breaks". She was ok and we still didn't become good friends again but we started talking again.
A couple summers ago she called me and said she was leaving her husband and was so upset. I told her we would help however we could. She got an apartment and we got her a bunch of stuff for it and helped her move. Her couch was too big to get into the apartment so I put her couch in my garage (couldn't get it into my house either, thing was giant) and let her take my couch from my basement. I did all I could for her during that time. I saw her almost every day. She didn't have her kids, she left them with her husband. I didn't understand why. She only saw them a little bit during the entire time. She told me she really wanted to go to the zoo so I took her and my kids and some friends to the zoo. As soon as we got there she said never mind, I want to go home. I was so frustrated. I left Brandon at the zoo with everyone while I took her home. Later that day, when I went to pick her up for my sisters birthday party she reeked of pot. Everyone at dinner talked about it after. I started to realize then why she didn't have her kids.She asked for money all of the time. Would ask if she could sell us stuff then buy it back later. Stuff like that. One of her friends called me in the middle of the night one night because Emily was drunk and so upset and needed me. She was a mess. Not long after that she went back to her family. And I became a bad guy. She sent her husband to bring all my stuff (well, some of my stuff) back and to get her couch. I don't know what she said to him but he was very angry with me. Her brother, who I have know his whole life, didn't want to talk to me at all. I didn't understand how it got ugly like that. I still dont. We have not spoken since then. When they brought my stuff back I just put it all in the garage to deal with later. When I went out, I realized that not only did I not have the cushions for my couch but someone had vomitted all over the arm of it and they had positioned pillows so we wouldn't know. I have been angry with her for a long time for treating me so awfully when I had done everything for her through the whole ordeal. I am still angry, in all honesty.
I have heard some things about her since then. She split up with her husband again, took her kids hostage once apparently. Started doing a lot of drugs.
Today she was arrested. I'm not going to relay the whole thing on here the story is on the news website here.
It still gets me. She was the person I was closest too for such a big part of my life, I cant turn off that it still hurts me. I am so sad for her. She has 3 kids, how can anyone walk away from that? I understand that you dont think clearly when you are doing drugs and you make bad choices. How do you make the choice to start doing drugs when you already HAVE 3 kids? How can someone throw that away?? I don't understand.
A few years later she moved back and I thought we might go right back to being so close. I had Zach and was about to get married. Thought things were going to be great again. We saw each other a few times and it was so weird. We didn't have anything to talk about, just sat there pretty uncomfortable. We both kinda gave up then I think. Then a while later, when I was in Costco, my mom called and said that Emily had a heart condition and was in the hospital. I was so upset. I had a meltdown in Costco. When we went back about a month later the cashier saw me and came over and asked if I was ok. I had always thought we would be best friend again and we were just on one of our "breaks". She was ok and we still didn't become good friends again but we started talking again.
A couple summers ago she called me and said she was leaving her husband and was so upset. I told her we would help however we could. She got an apartment and we got her a bunch of stuff for it and helped her move. Her couch was too big to get into the apartment so I put her couch in my garage (couldn't get it into my house either, thing was giant) and let her take my couch from my basement. I did all I could for her during that time. I saw her almost every day. She didn't have her kids, she left them with her husband. I didn't understand why. She only saw them a little bit during the entire time. She told me she really wanted to go to the zoo so I took her and my kids and some friends to the zoo. As soon as we got there she said never mind, I want to go home. I was so frustrated. I left Brandon at the zoo with everyone while I took her home. Later that day, when I went to pick her up for my sisters birthday party she reeked of pot. Everyone at dinner talked about it after. I started to realize then why she didn't have her kids.She asked for money all of the time. Would ask if she could sell us stuff then buy it back later. Stuff like that. One of her friends called me in the middle of the night one night because Emily was drunk and so upset and needed me. She was a mess. Not long after that she went back to her family. And I became a bad guy. She sent her husband to bring all my stuff (well, some of my stuff) back and to get her couch. I don't know what she said to him but he was very angry with me. Her brother, who I have know his whole life, didn't want to talk to me at all. I didn't understand how it got ugly like that. I still dont. We have not spoken since then. When they brought my stuff back I just put it all in the garage to deal with later. When I went out, I realized that not only did I not have the cushions for my couch but someone had vomitted all over the arm of it and they had positioned pillows so we wouldn't know. I have been angry with her for a long time for treating me so awfully when I had done everything for her through the whole ordeal. I am still angry, in all honesty.
I have heard some things about her since then. She split up with her husband again, took her kids hostage once apparently. Started doing a lot of drugs.
Today she was arrested. I'm not going to relay the whole thing on here the story is on the news website here.
It still gets me. She was the person I was closest too for such a big part of my life, I cant turn off that it still hurts me. I am so sad for her. She has 3 kids, how can anyone walk away from that? I understand that you dont think clearly when you are doing drugs and you make bad choices. How do you make the choice to start doing drugs when you already HAVE 3 kids? How can someone throw that away?? I don't understand.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Zach says, then and now
This is a list of question I had Zach answer for me. The first one is from almost a year ago. I am going to redo it tomorrow and see what he says. He is such a cute kid!
1. What is something mom always says to you?
Bad things and good things.
2. What makes mom happy?
Doing good.
3. What makes mom sad?
Doing bad.
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Jokes and things.
5. What was your mom like as a child?
A dinosaur
6. How old is your mom?
58
7. How tall is your mom?
11 and a half.
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me.
9 What does your mom do when you're not around?
Play with my toys.
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Being my mom.
11. What is your mom really good at?
Playing games with me.
12. What is your mom not very good at?
Playing the horsey game with me.
13. What does your mom do for a job?
To play with me.
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
All the food.
15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Being my mom.
16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
Papow. (Lighting McQueen)
17. What do you and your mom do together?
Play.
18. How are you and your mom the same?
We look the same.
19. How are you and your mom different?
Our hair is different.
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Oh, I just know stuff.
21. What does your mom like most about Dad?
He's funny.
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
The toy store.
Now:
1. What is something mom always says to you?
I love you
2. What makes mom happy?
That I share toys with her.
3. What makes mom sad?
When I get hurt
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
When I do stuff thats funny.
5. What was your mom like as a child?
She probably played with her favorite toy.
6. How old is your mom?
88
7. How tall is your mom?
48
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me
9 What does your mom do when you're not around?
Does stuff with Chelsea
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
For being a famous warrior.
11. What is your mom really good at?
Standing on her hands (Which I don't do...)
12. What is your mom not very good at?
Standing on her hands
13. What does your mom do for a job?
What job?
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Carmel
15.What makes you proud of your mom?
That she plays with me.
16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
Green Lantern Girl
17. What do you and your mom do together?
Play Batcave
18. How are you and your mom the same?
Relaxing.
19. How are you and your mom different?
Because I hide and mom doesn't hide
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because shes always saying it.
21. What does your mom like most about Dad?
Because he likes her and she likes to tease him.
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
To school with me.
I have to say, doing it today was much harder then the first time. It was like pulling teeth today.
1. What is something mom always says to you?
Bad things and good things.
2. What makes mom happy?
Doing good.
3. What makes mom sad?
Doing bad.
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Jokes and things.
5. What was your mom like as a child?
A dinosaur
6. How old is your mom?
58
7. How tall is your mom?
11 and a half.
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me.
9 What does your mom do when you're not around?
Play with my toys.
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Being my mom.
11. What is your mom really good at?
Playing games with me.
12. What is your mom not very good at?
Playing the horsey game with me.
13. What does your mom do for a job?
To play with me.
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
All the food.
15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Being my mom.
16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
Papow. (Lighting McQueen)
17. What do you and your mom do together?
Play.
18. How are you and your mom the same?
We look the same.
19. How are you and your mom different?
Our hair is different.
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Oh, I just know stuff.
21. What does your mom like most about Dad?
He's funny.
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
The toy store.
Now:
1. What is something mom always says to you?
I love you
2. What makes mom happy?
That I share toys with her.
3. What makes mom sad?
When I get hurt
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
When I do stuff thats funny.
5. What was your mom like as a child?
She probably played with her favorite toy.
6. How old is your mom?
88
7. How tall is your mom?
48
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me
9 What does your mom do when you're not around?
Does stuff with Chelsea
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
For being a famous warrior.
11. What is your mom really good at?
Standing on her hands (Which I don't do...)
12. What is your mom not very good at?
Standing on her hands
13. What does your mom do for a job?
What job?
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Carmel
15.What makes you proud of your mom?
That she plays with me.
16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be?
Green Lantern Girl
17. What do you and your mom do together?
Play Batcave
18. How are you and your mom the same?
Relaxing.
19. How are you and your mom different?
Because I hide and mom doesn't hide
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because shes always saying it.
21. What does your mom like most about Dad?
Because he likes her and she likes to tease him.
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
To school with me.
I have to say, doing it today was much harder then the first time. It was like pulling teeth today.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentines Day
I have just decided that I hate Valentines Day. It's a day to tell everyone you love them and its about pink and hearts and happiness. On paper, hands down my favorite holiday. And that's what makes me hate it. Instead of being my favorite its my least favorite. Instead of making me feel happy and loved I feel forgotten. I have never gotten a Valentines gift (except from my mom), or had the day made special for me in any way. Every year, for whatever silly reason, I expect it to be different. Is part of growing up, giving up?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
My mom
Today is my moms birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!
I seriously have the best mom ever. I wish everyone could have a mom like mine. I don't know how she did/does it. I strive to be as good of a mom as my mom (I still have a long way to go though). She had so much going on when I was a kid but she was amazing. I honestly don't know how she did it. If one of my kids has a cold I have meltdown. I sometimes think about how I would do if I was in her position and I'm not sure I would do great. I know I wouldn't do as great as she did.
She does so much for me now. She is really my best friend. I know I can talk to her when I am frustrated or scared or happy or whatever. She is always there for me. Its really nice to know there is someone there you can count on anytime.
I love you Mom! And my kids love their Coco! I hope you had a good birthday on the moon!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Spiders
I have had a spider living on the ceiling of my bathroom for a while. He made a home in the corner above the shower head. I am retardedly afraid of spiders. I don't know why, in my head I know they are no big deal but when one is near me I get panicky. This one was ok, he stayed out of my bubble. I'll admit I stayed toward the other end of the shower but it was ok. Well, tonight he started to come down the shower wall. I, of course, freak out. I am a little embarrassed that when I call out for Brandon with panic in my voice he walks in and says "spider?" First thing I say every time is "dont kill it!" He just rolls his eyes. I told him that if he would just go back to his corner I would be ok. Brandon goes to wave him back and the spider just climbs on his hand. Brandon, being all manly, just takes him outside. I would freak out but whatever. Did I mention I was standing in the middle of the bathroom with my head covered in shampoo? Yeah, I'm awesome.
I hope the spider is ok and finds a new warm home. I don't want him to die. I'm a total live and let live person. If I could go my whole life without killing anything, even a bug, I would be super happy.
Good luck little spider!
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