People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I am having a day where I am realizing loss.  Its the 1 year mark of Sarah dying. That is the catalyst for this. I really do miss her so much. Its amazing, it took a long time before I didn't think about her every single day. I am at about every other day now. The other day I was making dinner and was using a paring knife. I thought, I wish Sarah still sold Pampered Chef so I could get a better paring knife. It hit me so hard right then that I had to sit down. I still see her in people, just random people at the store who have hair that looks just like hers. And for just a second think, hey, I wonder if that is Sarah. Its crazy how your mind can trick you like that. I am so proud of Jim. He stepped up and has taken care of the kids so very well. I am impressed with how quickly he realized that  what he has to do. He is such a great dad. Ezri and Lucian are growing up so well. I love those kids so much. I hope that Jim is doing ok today. I worry about him. I hope Sarah is doing whatever makes her happy right now. And I have no doubt she knows how many people miss her.

Joe and Randi are moving back to Alabama. I am sad about that too. My kids had cousins close just long enough to realize how much they love it and now they are leaving. Aedynn and Lydia are my kids cousins. Zach is so in love with them. He loves having cousins and Aedynn and him get along so well. I have tried explaining to him that they are leaving and he doesn't understand. He thinks it will be ok as long as they go to Lagoon with us again next time we go. It will be sad to not have kids for my kids to play with at Coco and Papas house. I really do love Aedynn and Lydia. I will miss them a lot.

I have also been thinking about my sister. I haven't spoken to her since March. At first I thought it would be a temporary thing to teach her a lesson. But I have come to realize that its not. Its going to take a lot of time to heal the wounds. We have forgiven a lot over the years but at some point it has to be enough. My kids are old enough that she could say something to them that they will understand. It could hurt their relationship with me or Brandon or so many of the other people we love. I just cant stand the thought of that happening. I think I am more upset with myself for not being upset about it then I am for not talking to her. Sometimes you have to walk away, even if it is family. That doesn't make it easy though.

By myself!

Brandon decided he wanted to go hunting with his dad this week. So he packed himself, the dogs and the kiddos up and went for a trip to Milford. My whole family went to Milford and left me home alone! I really don't know what to do with myself right now! This is really crazy to me. I don't think I slept in the house completely by myself since Zach was born. I don't even have the dogs!

Did I mention I am a little lost?!?

It is going to be good, I plan to get my kitchen cleaned up, it needs it SO bad. I don't know if it has ever been this messy! It will be nice to have it scrubbed to its core. Otherwise, I have zero plans. I guess I will just see where the wind takes me!

Back to School blues

Zach has a teacher meeting tomorrow at his preschool. He has the same teacher but he still gets to go in and have some one on one time with her. This means the summer is really starting to be over. I am excited for him to start school again, he loves his school so so much and his teacher is amazing. Every morning of the summer he woke up and asked if it was his school day yet or if Miss Terry was done with her vacation and could go back so he could go back. I am so very glad he loves his school. They are a play based learning school. Which I wouldn't think would work but I really wanted him to learn socialization more then anything. I wasn't too worried about what he would learn-learn. I think that if I had, at some point in my life, learned how to talk to people I would have done so much better in school, I think being so uncomfortable around people made me so distracted that all I could think about was leaving. I want my kids to know how to make friends and not be so akward around people like their dear ole book worm, dork with bad grades mom. At least their dad was a dork with good grades! =) ANYWAY... Its really amazing how much he has learned by playing. I wish that his preschool extended through elementary, I would keep him there for as long as I could. Kids come out of Terrys class testing into 2nd grade science and knowing so much more then any other kid in kindergarten because they have so much fun learning everything. I hope it really builds into him that learning is fun.

But even with how much I love his school, I will cry when he goes back next week. I am a huge wuss about my kids growing up. I cry on every birthday and cry at them going to school. Any milestone is a cause for tears around here! Next year he starts kindergarten and Chelsea starts preschool and everytime I think of that I already tear up. Its going to be a rough one next year!

Life

I haven't updated my blog in quite some time so I figured I would get on here and let you know what we have been up to. We haven't been doing much, that would be why no updates!

Zach and Chelsea both took swimming lessons this summer. Chelsea was in a parent and tot class. It was fun for her and me to do together. She did pretty well, she would get cranky sometimes and no do anything she was supposed to be doing. She would just try to kick me instead, unless of course she was supposed to be kicking then she would cross her legs and glare at me. I really think most of that is because she didn't want me to hold her, she is so freaking independent. But MOST of the time she loved it. She is a total water baby. She would walk out in the pool and just walk until she was on her tiptoes with just her face out of the water and wait for me to come get her. If she has a float tube she will take off on her own no problem. She kinda freaks me out! That was the main reason she got to go to lessons, so that if she did get herself into the water by herself she might know the basics.

Zach didn't do as well as his sister. He is so afraid of water, I wish I had gotten him around it more when he was smaller. They have 5 levels of lessons and he was in level 1. I actually thought he was doing ok in them. He did everything the teacher told him to except put his face under water, he was so afraid of doing that. So he finished the first session and I signed him up for level 2. He went in the first day for level 2 and they said no way, and sent him back to level 1. He wasn't ready for level 2 because he wouldn't put his face under water. So after the first day he and I talked about it and I bribed him. (Yeah, whatever. I bribe my kids) I told him that if he would try putting his face under water the next day I would give him a dollar. It worked though. He went the next day and stuck his face in the water and has been doing it ever since. So he finished session 2 and I asked the teacher if I could put him in level 2 now and she said no. He still was behind and would have to do level 1 a third time. So we decided to take a break from lesson. We will probably try again in the fall or winter when there aren't as many kids in a class. I am also thinking of doing private lessons for him instead of classes. We'll see. He will be a champion swimmer one day! He really does love swimming, he just has the fear. He wants to be in the water and I think if he knew how to swim it would be even better for him.

My cake classes have been going great. I love all of it. It really is so much fun for me. I have always loved baking anyway and now to be able to take something I have baked and make it pretty instead of throwing a can of frosting on it is amazing to me. I took the beginners class then I took a fondant class. I LOVE fondant. It is so much fun for me. I even made my own for my final cake, and it tasted SO much better then the premade stuff you can buy. I am taking August off because we are going camping and I don't want to miss that many classes but I plan on starting again in September. I already have a pretty good idea of what I want to make for Zach and Chelseas birthday cakes.

I am also still working on my Medical Transcription. I am getting close to done. I got through the book work really quick and easy but when it came to the practical I started thinking I got in over my head. I panicked and thought, I will never be able to do this. So I didn't touch it for 6 months. I was really stressed about it. I finally one day just decided to get going again and have been getting it done. I hope to have it done by the end of the year, that isn't a very lofty goal so I should be able to make it. Hopefully sooner but I don't want to pressure myself too much either, then it wont ever get done! I really regret not doing it for so long, I could have had it done by now and have no one to blame but myself.

Brandon has been work work working all summer. He doesn't take time for fun like me and the kids! If he isn't at actual work he has a project at home. He has done a ton in our back yard this year. He leveled it out (the people before us had some strange raised flower beds and stuff, there was a HUGE one in the middle of the back yard) He also put in a horseshoe pit, expanded the patio, put new sod in in a few areas. He has also been working on his garage. He has it pretty much cleaned out, he is working on building shelves in it for all of our camping gear now. He is a busy bee!

50,000 Shoes

Cake Class

I have wanted to take a cake decorating class for so so long. I finally signed up for one with my 2 friends and I am LOVING it. It is so much fun. I am not claiming to be good at it mind you! But I am having a great time. We decorated our first cake yesterday. Hopefully I will get better!

Missing my kids

I am going to get my kids today! I am so excited. It has been so nice to get a break, I promise I am not complaining but I do miss them. Its crazy that my life is so wrapped around them. I really don't know what to do with myself when they are gone. They really haven't missed me much, which actually makes me happy. I am so glad that they are so happy at Grandma and Grandpas. They have played and had fun. I am sure Grandma and Grandpa are ready for us to come pick them up!