Thursday, October 22, 2009

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I am having a day where I am realizing loss.  Its the 1 year mark of Sarah dying. That is the catalyst for this. I really do miss her so much. Its amazing, it took a long time before I didn't think about her every single day. I am at about every other day now. The other day I was making dinner and was using a paring knife. I thought, I wish Sarah still sold Pampered Chef so I could get a better paring knife. It hit me so hard right then that I had to sit down. I still see her in people, just random people at the store who have hair that looks just like hers. And for just a second think, hey, I wonder if that is Sarah. Its crazy how your mind can trick you like that. I am so proud of Jim. He stepped up and has taken care of the kids so very well. I am impressed with how quickly he realized that  what he has to do. He is such a great dad. Ezri and Lucian are growing up so well. I love those kids so much. I hope that Jim is doing ok today. I worry about him. I hope Sarah is doing whatever makes her happy right now. And I have no doubt she knows how many people miss her.

Joe and Randi are moving back to Alabama. I am sad about that too. My kids had cousins close just long enough to realize how much they love it and now they are leaving. Aedynn and Lydia are my kids cousins. Zach is so in love with them. He loves having cousins and Aedynn and him get along so well. I have tried explaining to him that they are leaving and he doesn't understand. He thinks it will be ok as long as they go to Lagoon with us again next time we go. It will be sad to not have kids for my kids to play with at Coco and Papas house. I really do love Aedynn and Lydia. I will miss them a lot.

I have also been thinking about my sister. I haven't spoken to her since March. At first I thought it would be a temporary thing to teach her a lesson. But I have come to realize that its not. Its going to take a lot of time to heal the wounds. We have forgiven a lot over the years but at some point it has to be enough. My kids are old enough that she could say something to them that they will understand. It could hurt their relationship with me or Brandon or so many of the other people we love. I just cant stand the thought of that happening. I think I am more upset with myself for not being upset about it then I am for not talking to her. Sometimes you have to walk away, even if it is family. That doesn't make it easy though.

3 comments:

TedsGal512 said...

You know how much I love you. It is so hard to watch you suffer and miss Sarah like you do. You are such a great friend to Jim, Ezri and Lucian. I am proud of the woman you are and so impressed to see what you are doing with your life. You are an amazing mother, sister, daughter and friend.

Mrs Mommy said...

HUGS!

I know you are a strong woman with an amazing large heart. I hope you feel some peace soon.

Livin' my life said...

Hang in there...