Urban Challenge

For those of you who don't know, I am competing in the Urban Challenge this Saturday with my very dear friend, La Dayna. The Urban Challenge is a fundraiser for Make-A-Wish. Its is a 3 area competition. We have hope points which involves lots of fundraising, which anyone who is friends with me on facebook is completely tired of, I'm sure. Bu c'mon people! Its a great cause! Next we have Joy points, the social part. This part has us doing things like tweeting about the Urban Challenge, eating at SmashBurger on their special Make-A-Wish day, making a youtube video for our team (ours is AWESOME! I'll post it) and wearing a costume or uniform the day of the challenge. We are maxing out our Joy points because we are crazy joyful people! The 3rd part is the Strength points, this is challenge day. They are going to have a number of challenges around downtown SLC that we have to race around and complete as quickly as possible. They have put out a few idea of what they **might** have but they are keeping the challenges a big secret for the most part.

I'm beyond excited for the Urban Challenge. I think it is going to be sooo much fun. And I have just recently starting thinking about the fact that we could potentially win. I try to harness in the winning part, I WANT to win but its not why I signed up and I don't want to get so focused on that that I forget why I wanted to do this.

I signed up because I think that Make-A-Wish is one of the most incredible, amazing foundations out there. My sister was a wish kid a long long time ago. I remember how exciting it was for me and I was just a kid, only 11. Now I look back at it and see it through a moms eyes and it means more to me. I have a lot of nights where I lay in bed and wonder how my mom made it through the entire ordeal. I cant imagine having my child so sick, not knowing what is going to happen. Worrying every second. Not being able to give them the childhood they deserve. My sister missed out on so much and I know it was awful for her but it couldn't have been anything less then heart-wrenching for my mom. Having cancer is, ya know, a little expensive. My family couldn't just drop everything and shoot over to disneyworld for the week. Make-A-Wish made that happen for us. Give Kids the World was one of the most amazing places I have ever seen. I remember little bald 9 year old sister in a wheelchair meeting barbie (we almost missed her!). I have so many memories of this special time with my family. Make-A-Wish gave us those memories, we wouldn't have gotten them otherwise. I hope to help them be able to continue to give families memories, even if I can only help a little. Everyone helping a little can help a lot.

By the way, my sister is now 26 going to college at the U of U to be a Child Life Specialist. She is amazing and inspiring. I'm so thankful to have her.

As promised our team video!

Please, please consider donating. Our team page is found at Fanny Packin' Sister Wives

** We have made it into the Salt Lake Tribune! Read our awesome article here.

Dance Recital

Chelsea had her first dance recital yesterday. It was everything I could ever hope for in a 3 year olds dance recital. She looked adorable, got on stage without crying and knew about 45% of her dance. What more could a proud happy mamma want?!?  

Look Ma, no voice!

I have laryngitis. It is killing me. I've lost my voice from yelling and stuff before but it always comes back after a couple of hours. And it doesn't hurt. I've never lost my voice from being sick before. I assumed it was the same, if I ever really thought about it at all. Its really not. I'm on day 2 and I have to say yesterday was beyond frustrating. I ended up in tears 3 different times because of it. Its hard to talk. Its like all day I am SCREAMING at the top of my lungs just to get a squeak out. It physically exhausting and it puts an extra strain on my already sore throat. All that work and no one can hear me anyway. All day long I was told "just don't talk!" and then the same person would ask me a question in the same breath. Plus, have you met my kids?? They never stop talking and they want someone to reply. Someone being me more often then not. 

In the car on our way home last night after a long long day I told the kids to talk to their dad for awhile then I curled up in a ball on my seat and tried to hold back a 4th set of tears and I hear Zach from the back seat "hey dad, can you tell mom....."  

Fang - Damn Cat

Damn Cat. Lived with us 4/29/11-5/14/11

Zach and Chelsea have been trying to talk Brandon into getting a cat for a long time. Even more so since the guinea pig died. They even started a thing where they each asked him once a day every day for a cat. The big push came after the guinea died Zach was talking about how old BooBoos cat is and cats live longer then guineas so he would rather have a cat next. It took a while but I watched as they wore Brandon down. I could see it happening. When we were at the pet store he would be looking at cat towers things like that. I just backed off, I knew he was working his way through it. And its no secret I've wanted a cat for a long time. So when the super adoption was happening at petsmart we went. Brandon told us all, we are just looking. We are NOT getting a cat today. And we almost made it through without one. The very last section we went to was the south salt lake shelter. And the most neglected cat ever was there. He was matted and bone skinny. And he had these massive fangs that came to the bottom of his chin, a bit like a sabertooth tiger. But SO sweet and friendly. He was just talking up a storm. But no one was stopping to even look at him. Brandon couldn't walk away. He was in a trance. Love at first sight. A little fact about Brandon, he is a protector. He is surrounded by broken people because he wants to fix everything for people. And animals. This is similar to the way we got Bridget also. Poor unloved dog that we went to look at for his sister and he couldn't leave her there, even though we weren't ready to get a dog yet. She is neurotic and crazy and flourishes under Brandons love for her.

So, anyway, we spend over an hour wandering around while he decides if he is ready to adopt this cat. He keeps disappearing while deciding and I would find him over holding the cat again. I knew he wouldn't be able to leave him there, I was just waiting for him to know it too. Its easier for me and the kids, we can walk in and instantly fall in love with any cat. I don't think Brandon has ever fallen in love with a cat before.

Obviously, we left with the cat. And a ton of cat stuff. We named the cat Fang but his unofficial name was Damn Cat. I'm willing to bet he thought his name was Damn Cat. It was meant with complete love though. He fit in our family perfectly. The dogs were a bit standoff-ish for a bit but they all got a long just fine. Brandon could sit for hours with the cat sitting on his lap. It quickly felt like he had always been here.

The other night, we got home from a friends house and he didn't come to the door for us. Which always meant "the damn cat ran off again!" so I sent my whole family in different directions to look for him. I walked into the living room and said "really no one could find him?? he's right here!" Then I picked him up and he was just limp. Brandon came in and I told him something is wrong. One of us has to take him to the vet but wait til the kids are in bed. So I get the kids in bed and come back. Brandon is sitting on the couch with the damn cat just laying on him. It was the saddest and sweetest thing I have ever seen. I truly regret not taking of photo of it. Brandon didn't want to take him in. He kept saying "I know they wont be able to do anything for him" in a rare moment I put my foot down. I said you can take him or I can but neither of us will be able to live with the what-ifs if we don't. So Brandon took him to the emergency vet that is basically at the end of our street and I sat here and prayed they could do something. He called after getting there and said there was nothing to be done but putting him down so he didn't suffer longer then necessary. He asked me to bring the kids in to say goodbye. So, sobbing mamma wakes 2 sweet kids up and takes them down to say goodbye to the cat we just barely got. Kids and I waited while Brandon stayed with Damn Cat. Then we brought him home and had a midnight funeral for him. Zach said "I'm glad he got to have some time living with us and didn't have to die in that cage he lived in" 


We are all doing mostly ok. Its weird how much he affected us so quickly. Chelsea and I were at Costco today buying green bean and she said "for our dogs and kitty! no, just our dogs." Then meltdown into tears. I know that *some* of my readers are thinking "its just a cat" and "they didn't even have it that long" but please keep it to yourself. For my animal loving family it was very difficult. We only had him a short time but if felt like a long time and we all loved him. 

Diet world

I was reading a few other blogs tonight and noticing a theme. Diets. As I read each and every one my thought was "she is too hard on herself." Flash forward an hour as I'm getting in the shower and berating myself for eating like a pig today and if I keep it up I'll always be fat. Yeah, awesome. Except what I ate today was a bowl of special k for breakfast, a side salad at lunch, a veggie burger for dinner and granola for a snack. For that I am beating myself up. Did I mention that we were out riding bikes all evening? Not sitting around staring at the tv. Riding bikes. Ridiculous. Why are we all doing this to ourselves. The worst part is, I decided to stop doing this to myself already. I changed my lifestyle and as part of that I decided that I was going to stop worrying about "being fat" and diet and such. I'm actually ok with myself for the first time since having kids. Would I rather look like the cute 110 pound 22 year old I was? Hell yes. Do I deserve to be called a fat pig because I don't look like that? No. What the hell? I made 2 people! That changes things! But it's so engrained in me to beat myself up that I don't notice when I do it anymore. Sooo not the keys to happiness there. I'm working on it though. I hope you other girls out there do too. Because I think you are too hard on yourselves!!

What if I matter??

Do you ever feel like you don't matter? Like you are the bottom name at the end of a very long list? I felt like that. Then I looked around and realized the only list I was on the bottom of was my own. My husband is great and never makes me feel like a second class citizen. My mom puts me on a stinkin' pedestal. Why was I complaining? Because if I'm last on my list, I might as well be last on every list. It made me an unhappy person and thats not good for anyone.  It was quite the realization for me.

So, I asked myself "if I mattered, what would I want?" the immediate answer was "I wouldn't eat meat anymore." I have said a million times that if someone said I couldn't eat meat ever again I would just say OK. No problemo. But what if I told me I couldn't eat meat anymore? Do I have the power to make that decision, ALL BY MYSELF?!? What if someone didn't like it? What if people made me feel weird about it? Ok, but, who cares?? I'm not asking anyone else to make allowances for me. I'm asking ME to make allowances for me. Thats hard for me to do. 

So I brave up the guts to tell my husband I want to start cutting meat out of my diet. I'm not asking him to just asking him to support me. Ok, first, I sometimes take it for granted but I have THE most supportive husband ever. He always backs me up. Its really awesome. When I realize it. Second, anyone who has met him, I'm sure, has the feeling he is a very meat and potatoes type of guy. Well, its somewhat true. But he is also a brussel sprouts and broccoli guy too. He gave me his full support.

So I dive into this and start cutting it out slowly. Trying not to say anything to anyone because I'm not ready for the questions and comments that come along with saying "I'm a vegetarian!" So I have only been cooking vegetarian food at home but not pushing it anywhere else. And I checked out a bunch of book at the library. The first one I read was "Skinny Bitch" its an quick read. Its 2 vegan women who wrote it. Its a fantastic book. I would recommend it to anyone. The consequence of reading it was that its pretty graphic. Especially about slaughterhouses. I've had nightmares since reading it. The second I read it I had no desire to EVER eat meat again. At all. I have what I like to call "delicate sensibilities" especially toward animals. It was hard for me to read but I decided I really had to. I'm glad I did. It made me really ok with my decision. 

I made this choice for ethical as well as health reasons. I cant speak for anyone else but I don't think my body is designed for meat. I think I will be much better off without it. I have never felt like I NEED meat. 

I am at peace with my choice. I'm not asking anyone else to be. Its for me, its about me. Thats good enough right now. So, if you are pissed that I wont eat a burger at your bbq I apologize now but in all honesty I wont really feel bad about it.

RIP Prissy

This is kinda long and drawn out but I wanted to put the whole story down so Zach could read it one day. Don't feel obligated to read it.

Zachs guinea pig died last night. She is our first non-fish pet to die so it was a big deal.

Zach got her as his special award for graduating preschool. He was so excited about her. He is very loving and sensitive and she was special to him. A pet that was only his. We adopted her with her sister at the humane society. Her sister is Zoey and belongs to Chelsea. Zach talked to Prissy all of the time and always wanted to let her out to play with her.

Last night I was putting Chelsea to bed and when I went in I saw Prissy was just laying on the bottom of the cage not moving but still breathing. I knew as soon as I saw her that she wouldn't make it through the night. I got our spare cage and cleaned it all out and put new bedding in it and moved her. I put food and water in with her just in case even though I knew she wouldn't need it. I then had to decide whether to go give Zach a heads up or wait until morning. I didn't want him to be up all night upset. Of course, I was up all night upset. I was so worried about how he would take it.

When he woke up in the morning he and I sat on the couch and I told him. He got very upset and teared up but didn't cry. He asked over and over again if I was sure and I said yes. He asked if I could find a magician to come bring her back to life and I told him that not even a magician could do that. We talked about heaven, we are not a religious family and this was the first time we had ever talked about heaven. Then we talked about burying her. He was not ok with that. We have skirted around death for a long time I guess. He had no idea about burying things or people who die. And he is a wildly claustrophobic person. More then anyone I have ever seen so burial seemed awful to him. It took a long time to convince him that it would be ok.

After a long talk I took him in to see her. She was in Chelseas room and we woke her up coming in. Now I had to tell her too. Now the night before I had been wishing hers died first. Sounds callous but Chelsea has thicker skin. She isn't emotional like Zach is. I thought it would be easier if hers went first, ease them into it. I never worried for a second about telling her. I honestly didn't think she would care. Then I went in and told her and she started sobbing. She cried and cried. It was awful.

I had Brandon go dig a hole and Zach stayed with me to get Prissy ready. Both kids made her a special I love you card. Zach wanted his in the box with her and Chelsea wanted hers in the hole. I put bedding into the box and Zach asked if he could put her in the box. I told him he could but when it was time he asked me to do it instead. Before I did he petted her for awhile and said goodbye. It was so sweet and broke my heart. He was all chocked up and trembling but didn't cry. He said "Goodbye Prissy. I will miss you forever and I will always love you as much as I ever did"  Then I put her in the box and he took it outside. He put the box in the hole Brandon dug and insisted on covering it himself. My little guy out there with that big shovel taking care of business. When he was done he said "Bye Prissy. I love you. I will see you in that place when I die."

He never cried once. He told me he didn't want to make Zoey more upset so he wouldn't cry. I told him it was ok to cry that Zoey was crying to in her own way. He still never did. He held it back even though it was right there all day. He did pretty good the rest of the day. Every now and then he would come say something to me about Prissy with tears in his eyes but most of the time was a normal day. When we got home, right before bedtime, we were walking to the door and he said "thats where Prissy is, over there" and then he went over and said "Goodnight Prissy. Don't forget to wait for me when I die. I'll miss you until then"