What if I matter??

Do you ever feel like you don't matter? Like you are the bottom name at the end of a very long list? I felt like that. Then I looked around and realized the only list I was on the bottom of was my own. My husband is great and never makes me feel like a second class citizen. My mom puts me on a stinkin' pedestal. Why was I complaining? Because if I'm last on my list, I might as well be last on every list. It made me an unhappy person and thats not good for anyone.  It was quite the realization for me.

So, I asked myself "if I mattered, what would I want?" the immediate answer was "I wouldn't eat meat anymore." I have said a million times that if someone said I couldn't eat meat ever again I would just say OK. No problemo. But what if I told me I couldn't eat meat anymore? Do I have the power to make that decision, ALL BY MYSELF?!? What if someone didn't like it? What if people made me feel weird about it? Ok, but, who cares?? I'm not asking anyone else to make allowances for me. I'm asking ME to make allowances for me. Thats hard for me to do. 

So I brave up the guts to tell my husband I want to start cutting meat out of my diet. I'm not asking him to just asking him to support me. Ok, first, I sometimes take it for granted but I have THE most supportive husband ever. He always backs me up. Its really awesome. When I realize it. Second, anyone who has met him, I'm sure, has the feeling he is a very meat and potatoes type of guy. Well, its somewhat true. But he is also a brussel sprouts and broccoli guy too. He gave me his full support.

So I dive into this and start cutting it out slowly. Trying not to say anything to anyone because I'm not ready for the questions and comments that come along with saying "I'm a vegetarian!" So I have only been cooking vegetarian food at home but not pushing it anywhere else. And I checked out a bunch of book at the library. The first one I read was "Skinny Bitch" its an quick read. Its 2 vegan women who wrote it. Its a fantastic book. I would recommend it to anyone. The consequence of reading it was that its pretty graphic. Especially about slaughterhouses. I've had nightmares since reading it. The second I read it I had no desire to EVER eat meat again. At all. I have what I like to call "delicate sensibilities" especially toward animals. It was hard for me to read but I decided I really had to. I'm glad I did. It made me really ok with my decision. 

I made this choice for ethical as well as health reasons. I cant speak for anyone else but I don't think my body is designed for meat. I think I will be much better off without it. I have never felt like I NEED meat. 

I am at peace with my choice. I'm not asking anyone else to be. Its for me, its about me. Thats good enough right now. So, if you are pissed that I wont eat a burger at your bbq I apologize now but in all honesty I wont really feel bad about it.