Sleep or the lack of...

Sleep is so important, right? We all know it is. So why is it sooo hard to get any? I'm not the best sleeper under the best of conditions but when Brandon is gone, its nearly impossible to sleep. I don't really know why. Its not a nervous thing or anything like that. I just hate sleeping by myself. Usually its for a night or so when he is out of town and its no big deal. But now he has been gone for about 5 weeks and it is getting to me. I barely even TRY to sleep anymore. I've just given up on it. Last night it hit me, I was so very tired. I was so tired I was throwing up. (tmi I know but really it prompted the blog) I was physically ill from not sleeping. So I went to bed right after the kids did and fell to sleep right away. It was the best night sleep I have had since Brandon left. But now tonight, I can already feel that my body has no interest in sleeping. I don't want to get back to that point again but if I knew how to sleep at all I would be doing it. Most sleep medicine has an opposite affect on me. I end up wired and not sleeping for even longer. Melatonin makes me sleep, right away in fact. But I am spend the entire next day recovering from it. I get so groggy and cranky. It doesn't feel worth it unless necessary. 

Now Zach seems to be following in my footsteps. That is much worse for me then my own problems. I hate seeing him so tired and having bags under his eyes. When I wake him up in the mornings he tells me "I just barely fell asleep!" or "I've only been asleep for an hour! I'm so tired!" or "Mom, I haven't even slept yet!" Its so frustrating for me. I know what he is going through. I remember saying all of those things to my mom in the mornings when I was growing up. And I couldn't fix it then and I'm having the same problems now. I have set up a strict calm down time before bed to see if that helps at all. Now Zach gets home from school, watches wild kratts, has half an hour 'free time' and then he does his homework while I make dinner. After dinner its a bath and story time. Then bed. I got him a cd player and a classical music sleep cd. We are only on day 2 of this schedule but I am praying it helps him. I hate seeing him so sleepy every day. I don't want him to have this problem his whole life.